“Hold Your Own, Know Your Name, and Go Your Own Way”

You need not to find a cure for everything that makes you weak.  -City and Colour, “Against the Grain”

I remember when I first discovered the soothing voice of City and Colour, and especially when I first heard the beautiful words of the song “Against the Grain.” The singer tells the listener that when things go south of where you wanted them to be, you don’t have to be perfect and get everything completely back together all the time. Sometimes you just need to follow your heart–knowing that there are things that won’t glue back together perfectly. Yet, loving the soft animal of our bodies without walking through the desert repenting as Mary Oliver urges, is not the simplest of tasks.

One of the reasons I recently thought of “Against the Grain” is because of hearing Jason Mraz’ “Details in the Fabric” on my Pandora a few days ago. Two of the lines in the song have resonated with me these past few days as I begin an unknown second year of TFA, in which I have no idea what my new roles hold in store nor what I will do after my commitment is done, and as it was revealed to me the new chapters beginning in the lives of some around me after unexpected door and window closings. In the chorus Mraz sings:

Are the details in the fabric, all the things that make you panic? Are your thoughts results of static cling?

We have to face whatever it is that is hurting us. But everything during those times often seems complicated, now knowing where to start to fix everything that has gone wrong or is part of the issue. The intricacy of what must be done feels overwhelming–a weight too heavy to lift, leaving feelings of panic. It’s then hard to shake the view that you are just never going to be able to overcome the current situation. And its especially hard when you know that these details in the fabric have all been brought on by personal choices. But moving forward takes one part forgiveness of yourself and two parts the will to find a different path. Just because one door closes, doesn’t mean there aren’t other ways out of the room.

Everything will be fine. Everything in no time at all. Hearts will hold.

I personally have to believe that all things turn out fine in the end; that even if time can’t make us forget, it heals enough wounds to allow us to continue living. The fabric of life is certainly messy. All the strings and threads jumbled together to form what can sometimes seem like disastrous patterns. But when you turn it around, you have to trust that it’s the design of someone, something greater. A story that can only be written and told by a great storyteller, who knows how everything, indeed, will be fine in time.

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